Happy Monday, Reader,

​

I find myself wondering about how much of what I do is because of my ADHD or because of my rebel tendency.

​
​

Back before I started writing my thesis, my parents had picked me up from college and we were on our way back home when I took Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies quiz. I had just attended my first ever writing summit hosted by Pages & Platforms called Write Anyway Summit, and the quiz was a free resource given to the attendees.

​
​

If you've never heard of it, Gretchen Rubin has put up a system for people to understand their own productivity tendencies. She calls them: the upholder, the obliger, the questioner, and the rebel.

​
​

The upholder can meet both external and internal expectations. They have no problem with setting goals and keeping to them, and they're also like that with whatever is thrust their way from someone else.

​
​

The obliger, like the upholder, is very good with external expectations. They can go above and beyond what is asked of them, but they're not as lucky with meeting internal expectations. They need more accountability when looking to set and meet their own expectations.

​
​

The questioner is the analytical type. They will question everything, and based on the facts they will decide whether or not they get invested in meeting those expectations.

​
​

And the rebel… this type of tendency is an enigma. Rebels do not feel like answering to other people's expectations, but they also have trouble meeting their own expectations. Rebels do what they want when they want, and no one can make them do anything.

​
​

So it was not a surprise to me when my results from that quiz came back as a rebel. I have some serious problems with bowing to other people's expectations of me, and I have a real love-hate relationship with my own expectations.

​
​

I bring this up because I, like you, am writing a book. And I, like you, am having serious problems putting thoughts into words. But my problem isn't that I can't set expectations, my problem is that my own tendency is working against me.

​
​

But more than that, I think that a lot of writers who struggle with meeting their expectations of writing a book have the same problem I do. Except in their case, they might not be aware that their own tendency is sabotaging them.

​
​

They get frustrated that they can't make any progress, that they will never be the writer they want to be, and they give up.

​
​

Before I knew Rubin's framework, I would get so frustrated when I couldn't find the motivation to do what others asked of me. And even when I, myself, wished to do things… still, no motivation.

​
​

But once I understood that rebels can actually set expectations, they just have to go about it in a sneaky way, I started seeing how much I could do without as much friction as I was used to.

​
​

You see, I've always been told that I'm lazy and undisciplined, that I have no willpower, and that if I applied myself a little more I would be successful. I internalized this as if it were the truth.

​
​

But it's not.

​
​

I have no problem with hard work. I have no problem doing things. I have no problem applying myself. I just have to actually want those things.

​
​

And like my rebel tendency, my ADHD also causes friction. When I don't get the dopamine boost from completing something successfully, it makes it harder for me to continue if I can't see the benefit. But more than that, my ADHD can be sneaky; I think I may be making progress, when in reality I'm just spinning around in circles.

​
​

So Why Am I Telling You All This?

​
​

Because I bet you're stuck too. Not because you're lazy or undisciplined or lack willpower. But because you might not understand why you're stuck. And here's the thing: you can't fix a problem you don't understand.

​
​

Before I knew about the rebel tendency, I kept trying to follow all that productivity advice out there. You know the kind: “just put it on your calendar and do it!" or "set a goal and hold yourself accountable!" And I'd try it, and it would work for like... three days? Maybe a week if I was lucky? Then I'd crash and burn and feel disappointed about not being able to stick with it.

​
​

But it wasn't that the advice was bad. It just wasn't advice for me. It was advice for Upholders. People who can make a plan and stick to it without breaking a sweat. And I'm not an Upholder. I'm a Rebel.

​
​

Once I figured that out, everything changed. I didn’t suddenly become disciplined, but I stopped trying to force myself into a box that was never going to fit.

​
​

And I think a lot of you are doing the same thing. You're beating yourself up for not being able to write consistently, or finish that book, or even just sit down and put words on the page. You think it's a character flaw. But what if it's not? What if you're just using the wrong strategy for your tendency?

​
​

Here's something that might Actually Help (Based on Your Tendency)

​
​

So after that quiz revelation in the car with my parents, I went down a rabbit hole (thanks, ADHD) and learned that each tendency needs different strategies to get things done. And since I know you're probably struggling to write your book just like I am, I figured I'd share what I learned.

​
​

If you're a Rebel (like me):

​
​

Okay, so here's the deal with us Rebels: we're basically allergic to being told what to do. Even by ourselves. Which is WILD when you think about it, but also explains so much.

​
​

The thing that's helped me most is connecting my writing to my identity instead of treating it like a task. So instead of "I need to write 1000 words today" (which immediately makes me want to do literally anything else), I think "I'm a writer. Writers write. This is who I am."

​
​

Sounds cheesy, I know. But it works. It’s about being myself rather than meeting an expectation.

​
​

Also? I stopped scheduling. Completely. I know, I know… every writing advice blog ever says to schedule your writing time. But for Rebels, that's the kiss of death. The second it's on the calendar, it becomes an obligation, and we rebel against it.

​
​

Instead, I write when I feel like writing. And weirdly, once I gave myself permission to do that, I started writing way more often. Because it was my choice.

​
​

Now, will this work for you? Maybe! Maybe not! If you're not a Rebel, this advice might sound completely unhinged. Which brings me to...

​
​

If you're an Obliger:

​
​

You guys are basically the opposite of Rebels. You're AMAZING at meeting other people's expectations. You never miss a deadline at work, you show up when people need you, you're the rock everyone depends on.

​
​

But your own goals? The book you want to write? That's where you struggle. Because there's no external pressure. No one's going to be mad at you if you don't write today. So you don't.

​
​

The fix? Create external accountability. And I mean real accountability, not just "I'll tell myself I'm going to do it."

​
​

Join a writing group where you have to turn in pages. Hire an accountability coach (like me), someone who will keep you accountable without letting you off the hook like a friend would do.

​
​

The key is finding what type of accountability actually works for you. Some Obligers need another person. Some need money on the line. Some need public commitment. Experiment and see what makes you feel like "okay, I actually have to do this now."

​
​

If you're a Questioner:

​
​

You need to know why something makes sense before you'll do it. Which means all that "just write!" advice bounces right off you because... why? What's the logic? What's the benefit?

​
​

So here's what helps: Get clear on your reasons. Not society's reasons. Not what you think you should want. But what you actually want from your writing.

​
​

Do you want to process your thoughts? Share your story? Build a career? Prove something to yourself? Whatever it is, get crystal clear on it. Write it down. Remind yourself of it when you're questioning whether writing is worth the effort.

​
​

Also (and this is important) give yourself permission to set up your writing practice in whatever weird way works for you. If you need to research for three weeks before you start drafting, fine. If you need to outline every single scene, do it. If you write better at 3am in your closet, go for it.

​
​

Just watch out for analysis paralysis. Us ADHD folks know this one well, you can get so caught up in researching and planning that you never actually write. So maybe set some time limits? Like "I'll research for two weeks, then I have to start drafting even if I don't feel ready." (But honestly, you'll never feel completely ready, so just start anyway.)

​
​

If you're an Upholder:

​
​

Honestly? You probably don't need my help. You're the ones who make a writing schedule and actually stick to it. You set a goal to write every day and then you just... do it?? Wild.

​
​

But here's where you might get stuck: being too rigid. You might be spending time on things that don't actually move your writing forward because they're on your list. Or you might be so focused on meeting your own expectations that you're not leaving room for creative play and experimentation.

​
​

So my advice (which you might not need, but I'm giving it anyway): Step back and look at how you're spending your writing time. Are you being efficient, or are you being effective? Because those aren't always the same thing.

​
​

Maybe you don't need to worldbuild for 40 hours. Maybe you don't need to edit chapter one seventeen times before moving to chapter two. Give yourself permission to be a little messier. Your first draft doesn't have to be good, it just has to exist.

​
​

The Point Is...

​
​

Understanding your tendency isn't going to magically fix all your writing problems. (Trust me, I still struggle. Daily.) But it will help you stop beating yourself up for not being able to follow advice that was never meant for you in the first place.

​
​

You're not broken. You're not lazy. You're not undisciplined.

​
​

You just need to figure out what actually works for your brain, not someone else's.

​
​

So go take the quiz here. Figure out your tendency. Then try some of these strategies and see what sticks.

​
​

And if none of it works? That's okay too. Not all advice works for everyone. Keep experimenting until you find what does.

​
​

Because at the end of the day, the only way to write your book is to actually write it. And the only way to actually write it is to work with yourself, not against yourself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rebel against my own advice by not writing today because I don't feel like it.

(Just kidding. Maybe. We'll see.)

​
​

Once you take the quiz reply to this email and tell me all about it… or not, if you’re a rebel like me.

​
​